In honor of my best friend who does this all the time, I decided I should share my recent crazy-mindedness publicly, with all of you. =P (Dearest Bestie that is not an insult but the highest compliment) Let the catharsis commence!

Money maketh the world go round, so said some wise dude forever ago. (Actually I guess it’s from the musical Cabaret… wow, that says a lot about that quote. Anywhhhayysss) I’d say that I have a theme song about what money does to me:

“You spin my head right round, right round, when you go dowwwn when you go down down.” (Yes I did.)

Lately I’ve felt like I have a big hole in my pocket that keeps getting bigger. “Oh, you have exactly $600 in your bank account and $100 in cash? Let’s charge you a $714 bill just to see the reaction! Oh yay look at that it’s like a hamster wheel in her head!!! wooooohooo!!!”

Suffice it to say I decided I should probably look for a job now.

Hence the last week applying or attempting to go in and apply at places. The one crowning glory of the last week has been one place in particular that I’ve gone twice. Had some friends recommend that I apply at said place. I said “Eooorhhh… ok! will do!” Went in. First time, manager was on break. I leave store in a downpour, look sadly at sky. See hole in umbrella. Commence angry stomping to car. Get in car drive to Starbucks for a soothing eggnog latte. Get back in car with eggnog latte and while trying not to drip water from my umbrella on myself, spill eggnog latte all over my lap. Cue 5 minutes of crying and “Whhhhhhyyyyyyy???” and patheticism of weeping in a Starbucks parking lot with pouring rain dripping down onto my windshield as I stared through the glass. (I wasn’t emo in high school at all…apparently I haven’t fully gotten past that stage yet)
Second time I go into this store is today. Mind you, the sequence of events before this moment are what made it. Today I was set to register for next semester’s classes. I still have a small bill on my account that I need to pay in order to register. I go to pay this morning and find out my school doesn’t accept Visa – they accept Mastercard. (Living by the beach? Priceless. For everything else, there’s Mastercard. APPARENTLY.) Sooooo I try the ATM, but my card doesn’t have a pin yet, so that didn’t work out too hot. Decide to go get a cash advance at the bank, and while I’m at it… I might as well go back to that one place and talk to the manager, righhhht? Thinking rationally, I head to the bank first, deciding, “I need to feel more positive when I go in to apply for a job, so I’ll go get money first so I can feel better about my life.” Get to the bank, walk up to the door and yank on it. Locked. I yank again and then look in. It hits me like a ton of bricks – HA HA, Laurie!! IT’S VETERAN’S DAY!!! (curses, foiled again!) I trudge frustratedly back to my car and head to my next destination. Walk into the store at about 1:30pm to find it packed. The line of customers is about 10 -15 long. Yeah ok, no manager is gonna want to talk about a job application right now. I walked around for a minute sadly staring up in longing at the cute holiday pajamas, the tempting clearance clothing racks… Forget sprinkling myself in self pity. I was bathing in it like it was a nice warm bubble bath. “Ohhhh poooooor me I can’t do anything with my life” I whined, and my self pity said “Yeahh I know right? Look at these beautiful pajamas and you can’t even buy anyyyy. What a sad little tragic life you lead.” (Reading this now I sardonically say #firstworldproblems)

After all this wallowing I end up having a chat with my dad this afternoon, and after having a mini breakdown on the phone (“I just want everything to be better right now! I’m just trying to be responsible with my life and nothing is workingggg! WAAAAAH!!!”) I realized that life is not really so harsh. I have my backup credit cards that I kept clear specifically for this kind of occasion. My parents very very kindly put me back on their health insurance so not only will I not get another unexpected bill next semester, but it was free to add me back on, so I don’t have to pay for that now. (amazing what happens when you said “Scuse me but…. I NEED HELP!!!!) Also – I am alive. And I’m learning a heck of a lot about my life. And I’m in school in NORTH FREAKING CAROLINA. With a beach. And guess what – I’m not dying of AIDS today, I have food to eat, I’m not sleeping under a bridge, I’m not isolated and alone without friends anymore, I don’t need to have a man to complete me, I have some amazing sisters and one very special great uncle watching out for me, plus cousins who really care about me and keep up with my life consistently, not to mention some SUPER amazing friends that I don’t deserve… You know what I’ve got a pretty damn good life.

To sum it up, I was watching some of the Princess Diaries this weekend (it was on TV) and this line decided I needed to hear it:

“And then I thought of how many stupid times a day I use the word “I.”

Thanks, Mia Thermopolis. You’re right. As a future therapist, that lesson needs to be one learned pronto.

Because, as Mother Teresa says (yeah I know, you can always count on her for a good, straight up guilt trip that gets you right back in line – that’s a smart saintly woman for you):

“Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go.”